I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
