I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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