I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
