i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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