My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
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