I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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