Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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