somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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