Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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