i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
