so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
