I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize