Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
