I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
