Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
