I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
