All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
