Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize