No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I have aggressive nipples.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
