She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
