How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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