Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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