I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
