idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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