could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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