i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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