yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
