I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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