i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
