Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
