This is not my ceiling
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Randomize
