I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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