i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
