i was born a porn star she said
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
