Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
