i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
