God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
