we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
