i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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