He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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