he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
