You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
