So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
