Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
