Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize