How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize