Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
