She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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