I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
sarcasm needs its own font
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
