I didn't shave. On purpose
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Randomize
