so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
