There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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