you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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