your parents love me but you hate me
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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