Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
