so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
