Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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