I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Barsexuality is the new black.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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