just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
