PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
