why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
