i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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