I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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