Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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