I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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