Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
