I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
