I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
