Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
