3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Your penis caused this!
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