as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
