we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
