mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
