I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
